Family Patterns

This last week we submitted a family assignment that had us take a look at different trends and relationships within our family.  It showed me the trends I want to keep and the ones I want to break.  This week in class we learned about the dynamic a relationship may go through.  Studies have shown over and over again that when a husband and wife get married they have a great relationship when it starts out and they work well together and their relationship is strong.  Then as the first child comes in to the picture the relationship starts to drop and it will slowly rise but as child number 2 comes along it drops a little lower than before and this would continue with each child.  The relationship seems to stay steady as the children grow up and then as each child moves away the relationship becomes more loving and stronger until they get back to where they were when they first got married, or close to that. 

After I became aware of different trends within my family such as people being distant or controlling I look at the world around me and try to make my life the way I want it to be.  Despite all the studies that show this pattern in most people I want to try and do what I can to avoid it.  I want to keep my relationship with my husband strong and as we have children allow them to build us up instead of pull us down.  I know at times that they will take a toll on us but for the most part I want us to become more strengthened and develop more love towards one another. 

Those around us

This last week we discuss the social classes and the impact that they bring.  We watched a Youtube video that I would highly recommend.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q8VXrHeLqBA&feature=related This is the video which is called tammy.  It really made me reexamine the way I look at people.  I think at times we all need a reality check in which we ask ourselves if we are giving those around us the benefit of the doubt.  I judged this family right off the bat and looked down on them but the more I learned about them then the more I felt for them and the more respect I gained for them.  I started to feel extremely guilty for judging them.  I told myself that I need to change that and not judge people from what I see.  There are so many people that have minimum wage jobs but they are working hard and while everything is pushing down on them they are fighting back and trying to make a living.  What I took from this was that we all come from different places in our lives and nobody is better than one another and we are all trying our hardest and have no right to judge someone and to categorize anybody. 

 

We took a look at different cultures as well.  Each culture seems to have their own positives and negatives.  We talked about how being minority may affect people.  They are categorized immediately and held to those assumptions.  There are more cultures than just our heritage.  It could be the culture of single mothers or pregnant teens.  We should be aware of all the different types of cultures their are and understand them.  We can learn why more teens are becoming pregnant and try to help them.

January 21st - January 25

This last week in family relations we talked about family boundaries.  There are 3 specific types of boundaries but the great thing about them is that no matter what stage we are at in our life they can apply.  Even though we may not all be married, we all have families and friends in which we can work on our relationships with. 

1.Disconnected Boundary
This is when the relationship is too clear and cut off.  For example if you have a family member that you live with but you never talk to.  They are in your life but there is very little interaction or knowledge of what is going on in their life.
2. Diffuse Boundary
This is when there is too much interaction for the relationship to be healthy.  It is unclear where the boundary is because there is such a tense and close connection.  An example might be that a daughter might have to turn to her parents constantly.  She can't make any decisions on her own and has to constantly confide and talk with her parents.  The relationship is so close that it is unheathly.  She is in no way independent and her parents aren't doing her any good by continually coaching her along.  This can cause a big issue when she decides to get married.  Once she does she will have her husband to turn to and discuss life with but she will turn to her parents.  This will cause a great deal of issues between her and her spouse.
3. Clear Boundaries
This is the last boundary which is a balance between the first two.  This would be that you are involved in your family members life and know what is going on, but at the same time you give them space.  This boundary takes trust because you talk about what is going on and then let things happen and trust that it was what had been discussed.  This is the most healthy relationship.  A person can be independent but have people to turn to and people that are actively involved in their life while allowing them to make their own decisions.
It is important to look at your life and see what kind of relationships you have.  We can improve our relationships and make them last longer and become stronger if we can move towards having clear boundaries. 

I look forward to getting more into the topics that family relations has to offer and learning a great deal that I can look back on and still use.